Arch Counseling

Get Ready

Increase Awareness

Interrupt Reactivity

Accept & Dismiss Urges

Dissect Your Reactions

Don't Lock Horns with the Devil

Love You, Hate The Porn (PDF Download)

Interrupt Reactivity

Breathe slower and deeper to shift from reactive mode back into mastery mode.

Once our brain's emotional alarm system has registered that there's a threat, it is designed to "do us the favor" of increasing our bodily arousal and narrowing our attention. This reactive mode is just what we need when we're facing threats we can fight or flee. Unfortunately, a keyed-up body and zeroed-in mind doesn't work well when the threat is an unwanted urge, because we can't hit it hard and put it out of commission once and for all or run fast and far enough to get beyond its reach for good. Therefore, we're much better off handling urges in a relaxed and open-minded state, in which we can see all sorts of options and feel free to respond as we choose. Taking full, smooth breaths can calm the nervous system and oxygenate the decision-making and problem-solving regions of the brain. Breathing can return us to a state of mastery in which we are more capable of exercising free will.

Instructions: To start out, practice for three to five minutes, two or three times a day. Practicing at the same time each day may make it easier to remember. Mentally count to three as you take a nice, full breath in; to six as you breathe out; and then hold your breath out for two counts. Then keep repeating: 3...6...2. To see whether breathing calms you, note your stress level before you start and after you finish.

Calm your revving body and racing mind by taking several full breaths and noticing a few sights, sounds, and textures.

Tuning in to your breathing for a few days when you practice may make you more aware of your breath at other times. You may start to notice when your breathing changes (usually by becoming more shallow and irregular) in response to stress. Watch for times in everyday life when you start to hold your breath. You can interrupt escalating reactivity by allowing yourself the freedom to take nice, full breaths even when things feel intense. Additionally, pay attention to here-and-now sensory input in order to keep the brain engaged in processing what's real now. This kind of mindfulness keeps the mind busy doing something besides obsessing about the topic you were starting to get worked up about. By the time we're done "breathing and noticing," the mind has often freed itself up from where it was lodged. We can then decide what we want to think about and consider action options that weren't accessible earlier.

Instructions: As you take a nice breath in. Find a single point upon which to focus your vision as you exhale. As you take a full breath out, notice exactly how that leaf or spot on the wall looks at this very moment. Now, as you take another breath in, turn your attention to what you can hear. Exhale slowly, fixating on a single, particular background noise. Now, taking a nice breath in, touch a nearby object with your hand. It could be the arm of your chair or the sleeve of your shirt. As you exhale, rub your fingertips on the surface of the object and notice exactly what it feels like at this very moment. Some people find that it's helpful to repeat this sequence a few times.