Arch Counseling

Get Ready

Increase Awareness

Interrupt Reactivity

Accept & Dismiss Urges

Dissect Your Reactions

Don't Lock Horns with the Devil

Love You, Hate The Porn (PDF Download)

Explore Emotion

Practice listening inwardly to become more conscious of heart- and gut-level impressions and desires.

Self-direction can be a challenge because we may have learned to mistrust our own feelings and preferences. We must learn to tune inward and cultivate respect for our own opinions, insights, inspiration and even conscience. Just like GPS technology uses satellites to help us figure out where we are how to get where we're going, within every one of us there's an internal guidance system that's just as real and even more useful. In order to "read" it, we must practice listening within. While our mind process information logically and comes up with sensible responses, our gut and heart generate emotionally-charged impressions and inclinations. This parallel information-processing network is the avenue by which we experience both our greatest creative leaps and our most troublesome impulses. Fortunately, we can practice attuning to its inner, visceral (heart- and gut-level) signals. We can integrate the best from both the rational and intuitive minds, incorporating input from the deep within as we make everyday choices. As we do, we're less gut- and heart-level energy is less likely to build up and reach the critical mass that detonates destructive habits.

Instructions: You might do this exercise when you notice you have feelings about something that just happened or something that's coming up. Slow down, take a couple of nice full breaths, and tune inward. Attend closely to gut- and heart-level signals. It may help to lightly press one palm against your chest over your heart and another on your tummy just bellow your bellybutton. You might address your intuitive mind as though you were speaking to another person who's always along for the ride but rarely consulted when the itinerary is being planned. "How do you feel? What do you want? How do you want things to go?" Don't jump to speak for that inward part of you. Take your time and attend to allow sensations and impressions to percolate to the surface. If any do, respond something like the following: "I hear that. What you feel is real. It's important. Thank you for letting me know about it." This inward listening and validation can be very powerful, even though we won't always act on the input. This process takes practice, so try it a couple of times a day during the first week if possible. Keep conveying the message, "My preferences and intuition are important. I'm going to listen to them more attentively and take them more seriously. I'm going to work to get more of what I want and need."

Putting emotions into words to decrease the likelihood that they will fuel destructive habits.

A lot of the energy that drives destructive habits is emotional energy. Research shows that strong feelings predispose people to engage in familiar destructive habits. However, once those feelings are identified, they're less likely to drive behavior. If we can talk out or write out emotional energy, we're less likely to act out in response to it.

Instructions: Develop the habit of talking and/or writing about what you're feeling. Exploring your emotions at the end of the day can be helpful; however, you'll get more mileage from doing it when feelings are fresh because what we feel fades faster from our memory than what we do, see, or say. The strongest feelings, such as anger and elation, will be the most apparent, but be on the lookout also for subtler emotions that are more difficult to acknowledge like hurt & vulnerability.